If you are reading this, it might be because you are at a stage where you are fed up with a lack of suitable partners out there or have had your share of kissing frogs. You wonder why people around you manage to have great relationships or how come they have met someone and you’re still single? Maybe you think you are just unlucky in love, that all your relationships end in disaster or you just cannot get one off the ground. You are waiting for the elusive Mr/Miss right to come waltzing into your life.
They are many reasons why you find yourself in such a predicament, this article will hopefully go some in examining some of the reasons.
I have come to a realisation that there are so many people out there waiting for someone to come along and rescue them. There’s a part that is looking for love, a part that wants to rewrite history. In many cases, lonely childhoods or a lack of parental love, will be behind the longing. Majority will deny this , they will brush it under the carpet but the biggest evidence of this will manifest in their lives. They will go through bad relationship after bad relationship and will not realise why they are attracting the wrong person or not attracting anyone.
When you feel a certain way , you emit an energy , you may not realise but all humans have a sixth sense. Their insight tells them that this person is looking to be rescued is looking for someone to be their everything, to rescue them to love them so much, to make up for the lack of love of their parents!
This as you can imagine maybe a little off putting to a perspective suitor. They don’t really want to sign up to rescue someone, they probably are just looking for an equal.
There’s a pattern amongst people that are looking for Mr/Miss Right, they seem to be in denial about their behaviour, like any problem in order to solve it they need to admit it first. All of these people are independent, have good jobs, friends, social life , have travelled so on the surface they seem to have the perfect life. It’s only if you dig deeper to you find the loneliness and in some cases desperation. It’s hard to admit this even to one’s self. I can speak like this because I have walked the walk. As humans we crave company and the majority of us would not survive life in isolation, as you get to a certain age you do need companionship as people you used to rely on have moved on and have their own family and things to keep them busy.
The first step, which is always the hardest, is to admit to what you are feeling, in cases it may even not be conscious but an unconscious need. that drives you. Once you have indentified behavioural patterns then you can go about finding out how to change them. the next step is to indentify what kind of up bringing you have had , is it one full of or devoid or love. I know some of you will be saying that childhood wasn’t bad and obviously that’s a good thing. Don’t get me wrong I am implying that you should try and concoct a bad childhood to explain your situation. What I am trying to say is that some people may have reasonable childhoods with parents who were around and did their best. However it is well known in psychology circles that 1-6 are formative years in forming personality and how you perceive the world. The reasonable parents may have provided a roof over your head and given food etc but a lot of them did not know that kids need to be shown love. Whether it be tactile , encouragement , listening etc. Parenting has changed over the years, in the past they tended to be tough on kids to make them stronger and prepare them for life, it’s a method that worked up to a point. As you become an adult you were prepared for hardship and if life was difficult. Where it failed is to make you believe in yourself. If a parent questioned your ability , to appreciate you or just simply left you to your devices , this can leave an indelible mark on the unconscious mind.
I hoping people reading this will relate to the subject rather than think just get over it. You are an adult, take responsibility and you cannot spend your life blaming your parents for the current state of your life. This is true that you are responsible for your life now but it doesn’t help anyone to gloss over the past, as long as you are not sitting there resenting your parents or giving up because it was their fault. You are simply acknowledge the facts and understanding why your parents may have behaved the way they did. It’s about forgiveness and moving forward, there’s no point in burying your head in the sand.
Facing your Demons
If someone told you that facing some of these demons will help you to get a life you have always dreamed of, the happiness you are looking for wouldn’t you even consider this option. People are frightened of what they might find, they have put their parents on a pedestal and unconscious think it’s their fault they got treated the way they did as there must be something inherently wrong with them.
I am not saying there’s a magic fix, I am saying that it takes a bit of work sometimes to figure out where and why things are working out. Some things in life are worth working at.
You can only live in denial for so long, actually, you probably could live in denial for your entire life but it will only end with an unfulfilled life, one that is full of regrets, could haves and should haves.
I am well aware that people reading this will completely disregard everything on the page and call it BS , a very similar response that I receive from some of my friends. I am aware we are all on a different journey, I am just imparting experience ultimately what you do with this information is entirely up to you.
It’s a cliché but to attract the right relationship , you first need to love yourself then the rest will follow.